he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize