I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
