Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
