Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
