He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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