in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
