i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
