i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
