Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
