If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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