i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I wear drunk well.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
