is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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