I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
