he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize