my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she told me i tasted like america
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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