After last night, I could never be a politician.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
