i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
