What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize