Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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