I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
