On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
