Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize