you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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