he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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