I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My legs feel like baby dolphins
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
