you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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