Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
