it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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