did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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