he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
