I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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