i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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