i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
