Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
