She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
