Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize