I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
