I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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