I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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