Soap is not a condiment
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize