I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
