I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Randomize
