the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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