so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
