its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
