..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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