hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
