I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize