So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
