Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
