You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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