I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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