i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
