I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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