The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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