I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
