Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
