ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
