everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
