How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it because I queefed?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize