Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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