Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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