I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
