how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
