I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
