I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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