i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
