Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
COCAINE IS GR8
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
