I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
