I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
