She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
false alarm, still single
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