Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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