Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
