ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
