I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
