So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize