I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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