She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
