Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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