At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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