i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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