someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
