Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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