I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Come on in and take your pants off
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