I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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