ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
