who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
