I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
