Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
