I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
