haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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