p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize