I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
