sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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