I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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