you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
