My sheets look like a crime scene.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
