its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
