im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
