Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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