Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
