her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
