i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
