Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
