we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
