Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
