I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
