they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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