Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize