Will you blow on my dice?
this boner is exhausting
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
