There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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