Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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