i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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