Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
