the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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