Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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