he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
