she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
